Broken Relationships, Broken Home, and Broken Child – It doesn’t have to be!
Where did it all go wrong, the relationship ends, the homes are separate and there is a child/children in the middle of it all – WRONG!!!
Let’s start at the beginning, you meet someone, date, fall in love, have a relationship, get married, or maybe not but you do have a child. That child is now your entire world for of both you and you do all you can to take care of the child.
Until……the relationship ends, you hate each other, you don’t want to be together, you can’t even stand to look at each other and that is where it all goes downhill. It doesn’t matter what the child’s age is, baby, toddler, young child, teen, young adult or even older. They are still your child and how you behave affects them one way or another. But now you have conditions:
· You want the child on specific days.
· You won’t change your schedule for the other parent
· You’re not paying child support
· You’re not paying for health insurance
· You’re not paying for activities the child wants to be a part of
· You don’t want the child to be around your ex’s new partner
· The new partner can’t attend the child’s events
· You won’t allow your ex to have the child on holidays
· You won’t make any changes for the betterment of the child
· And the list goes on and on
When the hell did that child that you love so much become all about you and what you want? I’ll tell you when, when you realized that it takes two to make a relationship work and two to make it fail. In your eyes your ex made it fail, you did nothing wrong and therefore you are bitter. In reality its both your fault as IT TAKES TWO!! Either way your bitterness is now being taken out on the child that you love so much and it’s apparent that the child is not your priority of love – but now your WEAPON of HATE!!
Do you think you are hurting your ex – hell no you are hurting the child. You have put your child in the middle of your feud because your relationship ended for whatever reason. You make it difficult for your child to do anything with the other parent without being drilled when they get home. What did they do, who went, where, when did you get back and so on. WHY – WHY – WHY would you do that to your child? Who cares who was there, what they were doing or where they went. And when you’re all done drilling your child and have put them off to bed you’re sure to start texting your ex to tell them how you feel about what they did with “your” child. I guess you forgot it is their child as well and they as the other parent can decide what they can and can’t do and who they will socialize with.
What you should be concerned about is did your child had a good time with the other parent and they want to share with you what they did without being worried they are going to be made to feel bad because they did have fun. That is what you need to worry about and your child’s own emotions during this difficult time that they are not feeling at fault for anything. That they should not have to choose one parent over the other.
All of the above whether it is one parent or both – your both hurting that child and they are going to remember that for the rest of their lives. I am not expecting anyone to be perfect during a difficult time in their own emotional roller coaster but I am expecting that as you gather your wits you put your feelings towards your ex on the back burner when it comes to your child.
You also need to stop and think about how your actions are going to affect future events for your child as they grow up. Both parents are going to move on in whatever form works best for them. They may remarry, have a life partner or maybe not have anyone at all. Either way it happens it is not the child’s fault and should never factor into life events. You as both parents should be adult enough to get over your own insecurities and be a part of your child’s life. Accept or at least be polite to those in your ex’s life. Don’t tell your child who can and cannot attend their events, it’s not up to you to design the guest list. If they have an issue with your ex or your ex’s life style or friends, keep your mouth shut. And NEVER NEVER allow your child to speak disrespectfully of the other parent.
Bottom line your relationship is over and you are moving on and so is your ex, for the sake of your child no matter the age, drop your drama at the door. You can certainly pick it back up when you leave and carry on with it away from your child if that is what makes you happy.
A huge thank-you to my first guest blogger, “Wicked”!! If anyone else is interested in writing for MadStella, please feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com
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